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Transgirls who begin hormones and transition as a teenager have a good chance of passing as female without any surgery; transwomen who transition in their 20's can often pass after some medical treatment; whilst sadly those who transition in their 40's or later are rarely able to pass even after very extensive plastic surgery - Caitlyn Jenner being a high profile example - her facial feminisation surgery alone is reported to have cost $70,000.
My mother was also unexpectedly a huge help. When she arrived for a visit in 1997 I felt that I was on the verge of transitioning and plucked up the courage to met her at the airport as Annie. Her initially flattering comments about my appearance and passability as a woman started to become increasingly critical, even brutal, as the days passed - pointing out the many basic errors I was making with my make-up, hair, clothes, jewelry, accessories, etc. She then made it her mission to improve my dress sense and female appearance ... she taught me a lot over the next few years! Whilst my eventual transition in late 2000 was a very difficult experience, without my mother's help and support it would have been far worse.
Transitioning often has many serious non-monetary costs, e.g. the loss of life-long friends and the rejection by one or both parents. But the financial cost is nevertheless often the real disaster as income and savings vanish like snow in the summer. Rodrigo Lopes is one example. Age 23 he star'ed in the 2009 UK edition of the TV reality show Big Brother. A few years later she transitioned to Rebekah Shelton but found it very difficult to earn a living. Allegedly she resorted to prostitution to fund her breast augmentation (2012), SRS (2014) and facial feminisation surgery (2015). Although "sugar daddies" took her on expensive holidays around the world, she apparently struggled to make ends meet when back home and became nearly suicidal as a result. Personally, I certainaly found that the financial cost of transitioning was a major shock. A few years later I provided an article on my transition experiences to an Australian newsletter, an extract: Now that I was living day-in day-out as a woman ... I found myself needing a much bigger collection of clothes, shoes, jewellery, bags, accessories, et al. The et al including a pile of items such as such as shampoo, conditioners, setting lotions, body lotion, skin moisturizer, facial applications, cosmetics and facial makeup, nail varnish and perfumes. And that's before we even get into other essential items such as a good hairdryer and a lady shaver. And to cap it all, I've found that basics such as women's disposable razors (i.e. pink not blue) can often cost two or three times that of men's.
Even worse, my income seemed to reduce in direct proportion to my increased outgoings. In 2000, just before my transition I had an annual salary of about £50,000 / $75,000. Post-transition my income collapsed as I went through multiple jobs, reaching zero at several points as I didn't qualify for the dole. By 2003 my bank account was nearly empty, and I was increasingly supported and financially dependent upon my boyfriend - a situation that I never imagined that I would be in when I had transitioned less than two years earlier. In 2004 I accepted a job in Ireland as a Sales Assistant, at just €22,000 or $25,000 a year.
The term "cost" can
have other meanings as well. Almost all women instinctively make a
huge investment in both time and money on their appearance (i.e. improving
their beauty
and attractiveness to men) because that's what society expects and
that's how they've been brought up.
Transition is often assumed to be a brief period (perhaps just a day) when you move from living as a man to living as a woman.
I wish it was so easy and quick!
I consider that my transition spanned at least 10 years - from beginning to take oestrogen hormones in May 1994 to having
what was still called sex reassignment surgery (SRS) in October 2004.
I could change the duration by using numerous alternative key dates, for example
my first appearance in public as a woman, receiving my female passport
(almost certainly due to an admin error!),
my orchiectomy, being granted a
Gender Recognition Certificate ... but none are really a better start or
end point.
Over the next few months, I worked hard to "up my game":
hormones and more hormones; dieting;
exercising; growing longer hair; eyebrow plucking; depilation of unwanted
facial and body hair; skin conditioning; obtaining professional advice on my make-up;
trying to
train my voice; ear piercing; long nails; and spending
serious money on female clothes, shoes, accessories and jewellery. I
was still working as a man but my appearance was changing only gradually
so there was no big "Wow" moment there, but when a neighbour knocked round
his shock was evident as he stuttered my name.
The next few months were very tough and depressing.
It soon became obvious that almost everyone at work knew that I was transgender
and were checking out every aspect of my physical appearance - face, bust, crotch, feet, hair ... . It may not have been their intention, but it was happening. I
soon knew that I was not fitting in and it was no surprise when my contract was not
extended after the initial three-month probation period. I had made
no friends and was became increasingly depressed - whilst trying hard not
wonder if I had made a huge mistake by transitioning. My stress
level was so high that at times I felt on the verge of a nervous
breakdown.
Another big problem after transition was my voice. Despite training, the reality was that on the brutal 'phone
call test', strangers would usually identify me as a man. All I could do was work hard to talk more softly and continue to try to train my voice to a naturally sounding higher pitch. A year after transitioning, I was close to despair
after a disastrous period working as a Teacher's Assistant at a Nursery
School. I had accepted ever lower paying jobs and had been out'ed in all three. I began
to seriously wonder if I had made a huge mistake
and seriously considered detransitioning. The only thing
that kept me going was the support of a new friend who was working hard to
become my boyfriend.
The feathers
falling on the scales of my passability were individually light, but
cumulatively they had finally reached a critical mass: my beard was gone;
my appearance was unremarkable; my voice was acceptable; and I could
confidently chat in the tearoom from increasing experience about
boyfriends, children, and even women's problems.
The effects of many years of hormones and later an orchiectomy
also slowly worked on my
mind and body in many subtle ways: fat thighs and cellulite, a lack of strength, crying for days when a
pet hamster died, ... an odd obsession with my nails. Looking at old
pre-transition photo's became like looking at a stranger
Much encouraged, when my job at the college ended I went stealth
as a woman when applying for new jobs and soon got a job at a toy
store. There, I thankfully passed day after day - with both other
staff and customers.
Three years after my transition
- men were often trying to chat me up and I was becoming confident and
even relaxed that I passed, e.g. I no longer panicked when there was a
knock on the frontdoor and I would open it even if I was wearing little or
no makeup and wearing an unflattering track suit.
It sounds trivial, but it was actually a huge advance and my stress and
anxiety levels dropped immensely.
It took many years of practice, hormones, medical procedures, and often brutal experiences - but I now expect to be recognised as a woman in almost any circimstances. It would be a horrible shock to be "outed" as a transwoman outside a medical clinic. My genetic sex may still be XY male, but my gender is female.
One of the hardest battles I've fought since my transition is limiting my weight and waistline. In my early 30's I put on a stone (14lb, or over 6kg). The increase was perhaps partly age related, but one of the effects of oestrogen is to increase subcutaneous fat deposits - which inevitably means a gain in weight if countermeasures aren't taken. Before my transition in late 2000 age 35 I made a determined effort to get my weight back down to 10st (140lbs or 63kg) - acceptable for my height of 5 ft 9 in. This meant (for example) switching from bottles of lager to a Perrier water with a dash of orange juice when on a night out. I made the weight loss, but a constant challenge then became been keeping it down.
In my first two jobs post-transition only one or two people supposedly knew of my transsexuality when I started. Optimistically I hoped that this information would remain confidential (as they had promised) - I was fooling myself. A combination of marginal passability and staff gossiping was a disaster which led to me to leaving jobs in tears.
Over the years I've often have had
to make up things on the fly to tell people who don't
know of my transsexuality (particularly my colleagues at
work) which I've since forgotten, and thus I may
contradict myself in another spur of the moment
situation. Lacking "Total Recall", there's
always the chance of later being caught on one small
point that someone thought strange or remarkable at the
time and remembered. A particular problem is
bumping into someone who remembers you - but you are
struggling to remember them. One or two minor gaffes can
be laughed off or the other person made to doubt his/her
memory, but eventually they may start to wonder what's
going on.
Expect the Unexpected By 2009 I had long transitioned and the associated problems seemed to be finally behind me. But then in the financial crisis my bank failed! My account was transferred to a still solvent bank. However, when I tried to activate the new account I had no success. I contacted their telebanking service and the problem was that my date of birth had been entered into their systems incorrectly. But they would not correct this until I had proved my identity to their satisfaction. There then followed an ever more acrimonious debate as I provided information which didn't match my pre-transition details that they had been sent. Every mismatch made them more suspicious. Ultimately, I had to visit their Head Office carrying a pile of documents - my Birth Certificate, old passports, medical records and letters, bank statements, gender confirmation certificate, printed emails ... in order to get back access to my bank account.
Fount of All Knowledge
A broader example was the assumption that I could now mind the babies and young children of my nephews and nieces. The resulted in fun moments such as realising I didn't know how to plat the hair of a niece, and her having to try to teach me!
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Last updated: 17 January 2021
 Formerly the "Birth of Venus"
(c) 2000-2025 Annie Richards |
It's rather like sitting on large scales - male one side and female
the other. You start off with the
male side dominant. Gradually adding weight to the female
side of the scales never seems to make much difference - the male side is still
"heavier" and people still identify you sooner or later as a man.
But if you keep adding weight to the female side,
eventually adding just another a small feather will make that side the
heavier and the scales balance suddenly swings to female! 
A
decade later I'm far less rigorous than I used to be (my 6:00 am workout is
ancient history), but I do still alternate between a 20 minute jog on my running
machine and a fat burning YouTube workout. Saturday is my off
day, but every Sunday morning I go swimming for an hour. Minding
what I eat is also important, although I'm now just habitually careful
rather than rigorously dieting. 
One
of my biggest problems I still have (like many transsexuals) is that some
people know my background while others don't. Having the two groups
mixing invites a disaster, so when my darling husband arranged a surprise
birthday party, I nearly killed him! I was completely stressed as my relatives
and old friends mixed with new friends, some of whom were unaware of my past.
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