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Transgirls who begin hormones and transition as a teenager have a good chance of passing as female without any surgery; transwomen who transition in their 20's can often pass after some medical treatment; whilst sadly those who transition in their 40's or later are rarely able to pass even after very extensive plastic surgery - Caitlyn Jenner being a high profile example - her facial feminisation surgery alone is reported to have cost $70,000.
My mother was also unexpectedly a huge help.
When she arrived for a visit in 1997 I felt that I was on the verge of
transitioning and plucked up the courage to met her at the airport
as Annie. Her initially flattering comments about my appearance
and passability as a woman started to become increasingly critical, even
brutal,
as the days passed - pointing out the many basic errors I was making
with my make-up, hair, clothes, jewelry, accessories, etc. She then made it her mission to improve my
dress sense and female appearance ... she taught me a lot
over the next few years!
The Cost of Transition Transitioning often has many serious non-monetary costs, e.g. the loss of life-long friends and the rejection by one or both parents. But the financial cost is nevertheless often the real disaster as income and savings vanish like snow in the summer.
Rodrigo Lopes is one example. Age 23 he star'ed in the 2009 UK edition of the TV reality show Big Brother. A few years later she transitioned to Rebekah Shelton but found it very difficult to earn a living. Allegedly she resorted to prostitution to fund her breast augmentation (2012), SRS (2014) and facial feminisation surgery (2015). Although "sugar daddies" took her on expensive holidays around the world, she apparently struggled to make ends meet when back home and became nearly suicidal as a result. In April 2025 she announced that she was closing all her social media accounts as she reset her life as a woman.
Personally, a major shock was the financial cost of transitioning. The added financial cost of living as a woman was extraordinary. A few years later I provided an article on my transition experiences to an Australian newsletter, an extract: Now that I was living day-in day-out as a woman ... I found myself needing a much bigger collection of clothes, shoes, jewellery, bags, accessories, et al. The et al including a pile of items such as such as shampoo, conditioners, setting lotions, body lotion, skin moisturizer, facial applications, cosmetics and facial makeup, nail varnish and perfumes. And that's before we even get into other essential items such as a good hairdryer and a lady shaver. And to cap it all, I've found that basics such as womens disposable razors (i.e. pink not blue) can often cost two or three times that of mens.
My income seemed to reduce in direct proportion to my increased outgoings. In 2000, just before my transition I had an annual salary of about £50,000 / $75,000. Post-transition my income collapsed as I went through multiple jobs, reaching zero at several points as I didn't qualify for the dole. By 2003 my bank account was nearly empty and I was increasingly supported and financially dependent upon my boyfriend (now husband) - a situation that I never imagined that I would be in when I had transitioned less than two years earlier. In 2004 I accepted a job in Ireland as a Sales Assistant, at just €22,000 or $25,000 a year.
The term "cost" can
have other meanings as well. Almost all women instinctively make a
huge investment in both time and money on their appearance (i.e. improving
their beauty
and attractiveness to men) because that's what society expects and
that's how they've been brought up.
Transition is often assumed to be a brief period (perhaps just a day) when you move from living as a man to living as a woman.
I wish it was so easy and quick!
I consider that my transition spanned at least 10 years - from beginning to take oestrogen hormones in May 1994 to having
what was still called sex reassignment surgery (SRS) in October 2004.
I could change the duration by using numerous alternative key dates, for example
my first appearance in public as a woman, receiving my female passport,
my orchiectomy, being granted a
Gender Recognition Certificate ... but none are really a better start or
end point.
As a pre-transition test I went on summer holiday to the USA in July 2000, intending to pass 24x7 as a woman after exiting the airport.
After years of being flattered by men in bars and night clubs it was a horrible
surprise to discover that I wasn't passing. Young women
working in shops, dinners, etc. seemed to out me instantly. But
particularly brutal were children,
I will never forget being in a queue and hearing a girl behind me
asking her Mum "why is that man wearing a dress".
Devastating.
Over the next few months, I worked hard to "up my game":
hormones and more hormones; dieting;
exercising; growing longer hair; eyebrow plucking; depilation of unwanted
facial and body hair; skin conditioning; obtaining professional advice on my make-up;
trying to
train my voice; ear piercing; long nails; and spending
serious money on feale clothes, shoes, accessories and jewelry. I
was still working as a man but my appearance was changing only gradually
so there was no big "Wow" moment there, but when a neighbour knocked round
his shock was evident as he stuttered my name.
The next few months were very tough and depressing.
It soon became obvious that almost everyone at work knew that I was transgender
and were checking out every aspect of my physical appearance - face, bust, crotch, feet, hair ... . It may not have been their intention, but it was happening. I
soon knew that I was not fitting in and it was no surprise when my contract was not
extended after the initial three-month probation period. I had made
no friends and was became increasingly depressed - whilst trying hard not
wonder if I had made a huge mistake by transitioning.
Whilst
my first year transitioned was brutal, bitter experience and the
resulting changes in my behaviour slowly worked in my favour. Actions, responses, motions,
comments, even feelings, that started off requiring conscious
thought became automatic. I also became considerably more efficient and practiced
in my grooming - this
reduced to a tolerable one hour a day. Some of my daily beauty
routines became such a habit that I couldn't remember doing them a few
hours later, particularly my early morning make-up which became an only
half-awake auto-pilot process.
I knew any
public observation or detection of my penis would be traumatic and potentially
have very serious repercussions, e.g. if this occurred in a ladies toilet
or changing room. I wasn't aware of the tucking
techniques that are now widely posted on the Internet, I just
wore a gaff under my panties to hold back my hormone shrunken
penis and contain my similarly reduced testes. If I needed to
ensure a
good appearance - e.g. for a presentation - I used a piece of duct tape to pull back my penis, but this was
uncomfortable and only reliable for a few hours due to sweat
slowly weaking the adhesion.
Just over a year after transitioning, I was close to despair
after a disastrous period working as a Teacher's Assistant at a Nursery
School. I had accepted ever lower paying jobs and had been out'ed in all three. I began
to seriously wonder if I had made a huge mistake. The only thing
that kept me going was the support of a new friend who was working hard to
become my boyfriend.
But it's rather like sitting on large scales - male one side and female
the other. You start off with the
male side dominant. Adding weight to the female
side of the scales and it never seems to make much difference - the male side is still
"heavier" and people still identify you sooner or later as a man.
But if you keep adding weight to the female side,
eventually adding just another a small feather will make that side the
heavier and the balance suddenly swings to female!
18 months after my transition I was offered six-month contract at a college to replace a woman who was on maternity leave and was delighted to be accepted as a woman in a largely female working environment. Two years after my transition, I risked taking a job at a toy store as a woman (stealth) and thankfully passed day after day - with both other staff and customers. The feathers falling on the scales of my passability were individually light, but cumulatively they had finally reached a critical mass: my beard was gone; my appearance was unremarkable; my voice was acceptable; and I could confidently chat in the tearoom from increasing experience about boyfriends, children, and even women's problems.
I was now usually wearing trousers, comfortable flat shoes, a nice
warm top, and often no make-up beyond some quickly applied mascara and
lipstick - not what I had envisioned when I transitioned!
It's taken many years of practice, hormones, medical procedures, and often brutal experiences to reach the point where I expect to be recognised as a woman.
One of the hardest battles I've fought since my transition is limiting my weight and waistline. Between 1997 and 2000 I put on a stone (14lb, or over 6kg). The increase was perhaps partly age related, but one of the effects of oestrogen is to increase subcutaneous fat deposits - which inevitably means a gain in weight if countermeasures aren't taken. Before my transition in late 2000 I made a determined effort to get my weight back down to 10st (140lb or 63½kg) - acceptable for my height of 5 ft 9 in. This meant (for example) switching from bottles of lager to a Perrier water with a dash of orange juice when on a night out. I made the weight loss, but a constant challenge since then has been keeping it there.
In my first two jobs post-transition only one or two people supposedly knew of my transsexuality when I started. Optimistically I hoped that this information would remain confidential (as they had promised) - I was fooling myself. A combination of marginal passability and staff gossiping was a disaster which led to me to leaving jobs in tears.
Over the years I've often have had
to make up things on the fly to tell people who don't
know of my transsexuality (particularly my colleagues at
work) which I've since forgotten, and thus I may
contradict myself in another spur of the moment
situation. Lacking "Total Recall", there's
always the chance of later being caught on one small
point that someone thought strange or remarkable at the
time and remembered. A particular problem is
bumping into someone who remembers you - but you are
struggling to remember them. One or two minor gaffes can
be laughed off or the other person made to doubt his/her
memory, but eventually they may start to wonder what's
going on.
Expect the Unexpected By 2009 I had long transitoned and the associated problems seemed to be finally behind me. But then in the financial crisis my bank failed! My account was transfered to a still solvent bank. However, when I tried to activate the new account I had no success. I contacted their telebanking service and the problem was that my date of birth had been entered into their systems incorrectly. But they would not correct this until I had proved my identity to their satisfaction. There then followed an ever more acrimouous debate as I provided information which didn't match my pre-transition details that they had been sent. Every mismatch made them more suspicious. Ultimately I had to visit their Head Office carrying a pile of documents - my Birth Certificate, old passports, medical records and letters, bank statements, gender confirmation cerificate, printed emails ... in order to get back access to my bank accout.
Fount of All Knowledge One of the strangest things after my transitioning to a woman and then a wife was that it was suddenly assumed that I knew so many things. Just a few examples:
A broader example was the assumption that I could now mind the babies and young children of my nephews and nieces. The resulted in fun moments such as realising I didn't know how to plat the hair of a niece, and her having to try to teach me!
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Last updated: 17 January 2021
 Formerly the "Birth of Venus"
(c) 2000-2025 Annie Richards |
Although I'm far less rigorous than I used to be (my 6:00 am workout is
ancient history), on weekdays I do alternate between a jog on my running
machine and fat burning sessions. Saturday is my off
day, but every Sunday morning I go swimming for an hour. Minding
what I eat is also important, although I'm now just habitually careful
rather than rigorously dieting. 
One
of my biggest problems I still have (like many transsexuals) is that some
people know my background while others don't. Having the two groups
mixing invites a disaster, so when my darling husband arranged a surprise
birthday party, I nearly killed him! I was completely stressed as my relatives
and old friends mixed with new friends, some of whom were unaware of my past.
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